my failed failure

I never used to understand when people were able to read - and enjoy - nonfiction. Honestly, it completely eluded my ken. I couldn't grasp what was so interesting about facts when all I wanted to explore was ideas.
This was maybe what initially drew me to philosophy: the door into a world where people devoured ideas and considered the possibility that these ideas may actually be real. I wanted very much to jump into a room full of idea-swapping but it never ended up that way. Instead, I was forced to memorise the doldrum ideas of others and nitpick the reasons why his or her ideas were untenable. This nearly destroyed me. Now that I have some distance of years, and geography, I can safely say that I hate philosophy. Completely loathe it. I hated it back then but wanted so badly to be an 'academic' like other students in the program. I am not proud to say that I have never, ever read an entire philosophy text. In fact, I managed to cruise through some courses without even opening the assigned ones. I remember a professor pulling me aside during a final exam and informing me that I had only attended her course 4 times during the whole semester.
That should have been a sign for me. It was, I guess. I dropped out of Ottawa University 3 times over 5 years but still went back to finally get a degree that I cannot find in my closet. I even tried my Master's of all things. What a joke! I am so relieved my marks were never good enough to be accepted.
It's incredible, but when I started taking Social Work I was immediately drawn into its world. I read everything cover-to-cover, bought several books on various topics and read them in my spare time. But I am not an academic. I got a degree from a school I have never been to, I wrote half a dozen letters of complaint to the Dean, and mocked my fellow students daily.
Now I fall asleep reading about fucked-up street people and I love it. I could do this forever.